


It's Not About the Response

by huffellepuff



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 13:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5870980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huffellepuff/pseuds/huffellepuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Amy told Jake she loved him - and one time he said it back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not About the Response

**Author's Note:**

> I believe that what we saw in the Cruise was the first time Amy and Jake said I love you to each other. But a friend and I were talking about how casually Amy said it, and the idea that maybe it wasn't the first time she had said it. And thus this fic was born.

**i.**  
The first time Amy told Jake that she loved him, she really wasn’t thinking about it. 

It was a typical day at the nine-nine: Charles tended to whatever he was fermenting in his desk, Rosa made a perp cry just by looking at them, and Terry accidentally busted the buttons off of yet another shirt. It was a remarkably slow day, so much so that by 5:01pm, almost everyone was already out the door. Amy was putting the finishing touches on a report and daydreaming about the big date Teddy said he had planned for them, while Jake was poring over a cold case he had taken on as his new project. Just as she finished her report, a man walked into the room and Amy had to stifle a groan.

“Oh, god,” she said to Jake, “Stanley Parker is here.” 

“Shit,” he sighed, before looking at the clock and smiling, “Lucky for us, it’s time to go home. We can let the night crew deal with him.”

“Hello detectives,” Stanley said as he approached their desks, “I’m sorry to have cause to see you again, but I’m afraid I witnessed a very distressing crime.”

“Of course you did,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I’ll just take you over to the interrogation room, and we’ll have a detective come interview you soon.”

Stanley Parker was a regular at the precinct. He came in every few weeks to report new crimes he claimed to have witnessed - but never once could they find a scrap of evidence to corroborate his stories. He seemed to be a pathological liar, and he definitely was a giant pain the ass. Fortunately, he came late this time, so he wouldn’t their problem.

“Maybe if we’re lucky, his pants will actually catch on fire this time and we won’t have to deal with him anymore,” Jake said as he returned to his seat. 

“Santiago, Peralta,” Holt said, coming out of his office, “I see that Mr. Parker is back again.”

“Yes, sir,” she replied, “Peralta just set him up in room one; which one of the night shift would you like us to brief so they can interview him?”

“Actually,” Holt began, “I would like one of you to stay for this. You both have experience with him, and are therefore more likely to tease out any truth that there may be in his statements. I’m afraid that detectives unfamiliar with his ways may devote too many resources to his fabricated tales. I will leave it to the two of you to decide who stays. Good night.”

“I’ve got a date with Teddy,” she said as she turned to Jake, “I’ve gotta get going.”

“No way you’re sticking me with Mr. Lying Liar Pants. I’ve got a date with John McClane,” he said with a grin.

“Come on Jake, you can watch Die Hard any time,” she groaned, “Please.”

“Normally, Amy, I’d take pity on you but tonight is the only night that it is playing in a real movie theatre, and I’m not missing it,” he stated as if it were fact, “So, what are we going to do?”

“Well, I don’t think I should have to miss my date _with an actual person_ , so… we’ve got to figure it out somehow. What about rock, paper, scissors?” she asked.

“No, that’s based on luck, not skill. What about a thumb war?” he asked, looking at her hands and apparently sizing her up.

“A thumb war?” she laughed, trying to hide the feeling of triumph that was coming over her, “I guess that would work…”

“Okay, let’s do this,” he said, offering his hand.

Amy locked her fingers around his, and was surprised to feel him fidget as her hand touched his.

“Chickening out already?” she smirked at him.

“What?” he jerked his eyes up from their hands to her face, “No, no way. I’m ready.”

Amy won the first round after only a moment, which seemed to catch Jake by surprise.

“Oh, come on,” he groaned, “Best two out of three?”

They ended up playing best 6 out of 10, with each round getting more and more ridiculous as Jake began to narrate each one as if their thumbs were pro-wrestlers. Amy couldn’t remember the last time she had laughed so hard. Of course, she still won every round.

“Okay, what about 11 out of 20?” Jake tried, as they pulled their hands apart.

“Nope. Accept it, you lost,” she grinned at him, “Have fun with Stanley, I’ve got places to be.”

“Okay, fine,” he laughed, “But at least tell me--how on earth did you get to be so good at that? It’s not a skill I expected from you.”

“And that’s why I love you, Peralta,” she said, looking through her purse to make sure she didn’t forget anything, “Your forgetfulness just won me a night off. I grew up with seven brothers. That was the most civil way to resolve arguments.”

Surprised by the lack of witty retort, Amy looked up at him. He was staring at her, lips slightly parted as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it. She couldn’t quite read the expression on his face. After a moment, he looked down at his desk and closed the cold case sitting on it.

“Well, it was a good game, and I better go deal with Stanley. Have fun on your date tonight!” he said, looking up at Amy long enough to give her a strained smile, before turning away from her and walking to the interrogation room.

“Um, bye,” she said, unsure of what exactly had just happened.

She shrugged and tried to move forward with her night. Still, all throughout her date, she couldn’t help but think about the strange way Jake had looked at her. 

 

 

**ii.**

The second time Amy told Jake she loved him, she had thought way too much about it.

They had been together for about six months when Amy realized with a jolt that she loved Jake Peralta. She was lying next to him in his glorious new bed, half listening to him as he rambled about the same Die Hard trivia he had shared 45 times before, when the thought crossed her mind: _I can’t believe I’m so in love with this man_. Once she processed what her brain had just told her, she sat up abruptly and looked at him with wonder.

“Uh, babe?” He looked at her with concern. “You alright?”

“I just realized I forgot to, um, brush my teeth,” she smiled weakly at him as she got out of bed.

“Are you sure? I thought you already did that,” he said. “But if you say so. Just be careful not to overbrush, you know what the dentist said about your enamel.”

“I’m sure,” she said, her smile growing bigger. She was touched that he remembered such a random detail from well over a year ago.

She walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. _I am in love with Jake, I love Jake_ , she thought to herself, trying out the words for the first time. She had had strong feelings for him for quite some time, obviously, but she never really let herself think about love before. But it felt… right.

“I am in love with Jake Peralta,” she whispered to herself in the mirror, a grin breaking out on her face.

Her grin faded as she realized something, though: she was going to have to actually tell him this at some point.

 

Over the next month, she debated with herself about whether or not to tell him. She wished he would just say it first, but she knew that that was selfish and old-fashioned thinking. Finally, she decided that the best course of action would be to prepare a speech and save it for a big date, like New Year’s Eve or something. She spent several days on the outline, and had finished her rough draft by the time Christmas Eve came around. And that’s when all of her planning flew out the window.

The texts that came in from Jake during that godforsaken polar plunge had scared Amy more than most anything in her police career. She didn’t know what she would be walking into when she arrived to the crime scene, and she feared the worst. What if she had been delaying all of this time and had missed her chance to let him know how she really felt about him?

When she arrived, she was filled with warmth (emotionally speaking, at least) at the sight of Jake walking out of the department store. Her gut reaction was to run up and kiss him for all he was worth.

“Wow, you were really worried about me?” he asked with a smile after they pulled apart.

“Mmhmm,” she squeaked, starting to feel the extent of the cold again now that her emotional worry had gone. Warmth. She needed warmth. “Also your face is so warm and I think I have hypothermia.”

She kissed him again, letting herself sink into him (and the warmth, oh god, the warmth).

When they got to her place that night and she was cozily snuggled up with him under her heated blanket, she relaxed enough to think about everything that had happened in the last few hours. She still hadn’t told him that she loved him, but one thing was bothering her.

“Hey, Jake….” she began, sitting up a little.

“Mmm?” he responded sleepily.

“Earlier tonight, you asked if I had been worried about you…” she bit her lip, debating the best way to phrase the rest of her question. “Did you really think that I might not have been worried?”

“Um,” he turned towards her, “I don’t know. I just...I didn’t know if you would be.”

“How could you doubt that I would worry about my boyfriend being in a hostage situation?” she asked, unable to understand his uncertainty. “You know I care about you, right?”

He looked at her and shrugged in a noncommittal way, like he wasn’t sure if he actually believed that.

“Jake. I care about you. _A lot._ You’re my partner, my friend, my boyfriend,” she sighed. “And… I love you.”

For a moment, she felt relief at having said the words, but Jake’s response was hardly encouraging. A look of shock flashed across his face, followed by panic.

“Cool cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt,” he said. “Well, I’m ready to catch some Z’s, night Ames.”

He reached over to turn out the lights, and Amy sighed. She tried to tell herself that it’s not about the response, that it was important just that he knew… but she wasn’t sure she believed it. She turned away from him as she laid her head back on the pillow, hoping she could keep from crying. Maybe it was a mistake to say it on a night after he had been through so much.

Unexpectedly, Jake turned back towards her and slipped his arm around her waist. Squeezing her tightly, he tucked his face into her neck and whispered, “Thank you.” Amy let out a sigh of relief, squeezing his hand in return to let him know it was all okay. For the moment, that would be enough.

 

 

**iii.**

The third time Amy told Jake she loved him, everything went according to plan… until it didn’t.

She decided that she would keep her original idea, speech and all. Just because it wasn’t the first time she said it didn’t mean she should throw out a perfectly good speech. They had managed to get New Year’s Eve off - a holiday miracle for a member of the NYPD - and were planning on going to a party at Gina’s. Amy had no idea what to expect from such a party and was honestly a little bit nervous, but glad to have the night off nonetheless. 

When they arrived at Gina’s apartment, Amy braced herself for the scene ahead. The sounds of strange dance music could be heard as soon as they got off of the elevator, and she kicked herself for forgetting earplugs. As they entered the apartment, she was nearly knocked down by a man in a leotard who was swinging from the ceiling on what appeared to be a giant ribbon.

“Well, this is certainly a Linetti shindig,” Jake laughed as he pulled Amy out of the way. 

“How did she even get approval for this kind of party in this building?” she asked in awe. 

“The assistant’s network, I think,” he replied, grabbing her hand and guiding them to the drink table.

They got their drinks, Amy moving past the strange, milky, bright green concoction in the punch bowl and settling on a glass of pinot grigio to sip on. If she drank that now, by around midnight she should be clear-headed enough to go through with the plan. In the meantime, she had the feeling a little alcohol would be the best way to enjoy this party.

It actually ended up being pretty fun. Over the course of the evening, she got to meet a few of Jake and Gina’s longtime friends, dance without worrying about being the weirdest dancer there, and watch quite a variety of entertaining events (those girls arguing over the sparkly shoes can’t have been staged… and yes, she wondered). Shortly before midnight, she pulled Jake aside and prepared to give her speech. She liked the idea of going into the New Year in a romantic moment, unlike… well, any New Year of the past. The closet romantic in her wanted that moment.

“Jake,” she began, trying to stay sincere and not fall into Presentation Amy Mode, “I’m so glad to have you in my life. Even before we started dating, you were a great partner and friend. And now that we’re together, things are even better. I’ve never felt so content in a relationship, so happy.”

He had a tender, yet tentative look on his face, and she felt like this was finally the right moment. 

“I love you,” she said, smiling at him.

“Noice! Smort!” he replied, nodding enthusiastically with a look of fear in his eyes.

“Really, Jake? That’s all you’ve got to say?” She sighed, running her hand through her hair. “Guess I’ve been misreading things between us.”

She began to walk away, but he caught her by the shoulder. She turned to him slowly.

“Amy…” he started, but didn’t seem to have the words to continue.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” she snapped, heading outside to smoke a cigarette.

Right before she got to the elevator, Gina called after her.

“Amy, what the hell just happened?” she asked, looking pissed off. It was honestly kind of frightening. “It’s almost midnight, and Jake is sitting in the corner looking like a kicked puppy.”

“Apparently he just doesn’t care as much about our relationship as I do, that’s all,” she blurted, and Gina shot her a confused look.

“Amy, Amy, Amy…” Gina said, using her most sage voice, “That boy is _crazy_ for you. I’ve never seen him so hung up on a girl before.”

“Well, he sure doesn’t show it,” she grumbled, before realizing how untrue that was. He showed it all the time. “Okay, he does show it, but every time I talk about feelings, he turns it into a stupid joke.”

“Ah,” she said, “I had given you more credit than this, I thought you knew. Jake is _terrible_ at feelings. He either goes all in and over the top, or cracks jokes to try to keep things light. I mean, you know about his dad, right? And how things went with Sophia? And, god, even you turned him down multiple times before now.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t even think about…” she sighed. “But it shouldn’t be such an issue now, he knows I’m in this for real.”

“He’s got lower self-esteem than those bitches at the Christmas Dance Off after Dance-y Reagan destroyed them. Give him time,” she said, a warning tone creeping into her voice, “Now go make it right with him before you completely ruin the aura of my party.”

As foreign as the concept was, what Gina had said made perfect sense. She had been so hung up on hearing some stupid words in return, she ignored the rest of their relationship. And everything else, apparently. Of course he might struggle with some of the feelings stuff after being rejected by Sophia for saying I love you, being treated like garbage by his own father… and Amy putting brakes on them again and again over the last year. Gina was right - she needed to go fix this.

She found him sitting on the couch, sandwiched next to a couple making out a bit too enthusiastically for a party. He looked miserable. As soon as she saw her, he stood up, briefly distracting the couple.

“Sorry, ladies,” he said in response to their frustrated noises, before looking back at Amy with trepidation. “Listen, Ames, I...”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said with the warmest smile she could manage. “It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“Are… are you sure?” he asked, a hopeful smile slowly building.

“Yes. I still want to talk about all of this sometime, but for now, I’m just glad to be ringing in the New Year with you,” she said, squeezing his hand as the countdown began around them. 

And at the stroke of midnight, Amy could feel everything that Jake couldn’t say in the way that he kissed her, holding her as close as he could manage. This wasn’t the romantic moment she had planned, but maybe it was still one for the books.

 

**iv.**  
The fourth time Amy told Jake she loved him, she didn’t expect anything in return.

After the conversation with Gina a couple of weeks before, Amy had given up on expecting any significant response from Jake where feelings were concerned. It certainly wasn’t a reason to stop talking about them, though. She knew that she couldn’t fix Jake’s absurdly low opinion of himself in the areas that really mattered, but she could do her best to make sure he never had to doubt how _she_ felt. 

As they sat down for dinner in his apartment, a display of Chinese takeout on the coffee table in front of them, she thought fondly of how he had been able to put in her complicated order without even thinking about it. She loved the domesticity they had found.

“So,” she began, “Remember on New Year’s when I said I wanted to talk more about all that feelings stuff later? Well, it’s later.”

“O...kay,” he replied, choking on a bite of kung pao chicken.

“I don’t expect you to be an active participant as much as I just need to clear the air a bit. Liste, Jake, I understand. I didn’t really get it earlier, but I do now. I know that feelings are hard for you. I know that you’ve been hurt a lot. You’re kind of all or nothing about everything, and going all in with your feelings hasn’t typically worked out well for you. Things ended badly with Sophia, your dad has apparently never been capable of providing the kind of love you so deserve, and my god Jake you deserve _so much more_ than him. And then almost every time you’ve opened up about feelings to me in the past, I shot you down, because I was with Teddy or because I simply wasn’t ready yet.” She paused. 

He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then thought better of it. Giving her a gentle smile he seemed to save only for her, he motioned for her to continue.

“I don’t know when you’re going to be ready to talk about things. But I want you to know that as far as our relationship goes, I am all in,” she said. “I’m not gonna try to push you to say things you’re not ready to say, but I’m not going to stop talking about it either until I’m confident you understand how much you matter to me. I love you. You deserve to hear that.”

“Ames, I l…” he began, suddenly turning away from her and grabbing one of the boxes from the table. “I love these dumplings! We’ll have to be sure to get them again next time.”

She sighed, but didn’t press anything. The hint of apology written on his face as he stuffed a dumpling in his mouth was enough. 

“Well, hand it over then, Peralta. I wanna try them,” she said with a smile.

 

**v.**

The fifth time Amy told Jake she loved him, he said it back.

In the weeks leading up to their cruise, she didn’t say “I love you” again, but she made sure to reiterate the fact that she cared for and appreciated him. Every time she did that, he would get uncomfortable and say ridiculous made up words, but he would also smile. And as far as she was concerned, that was a step forward. Most of the time, she was even okay with that. Still, she hoped that a romantic, non-stop fun cruise might help get him to a place where he could talk about feelings, even just a little.

Of course, the sight of Doug Judy at that piano bar put all thoughts of her dream trip out of her head. The following day certainly didn’t go as planned, but she had to admit it was fun - a little bit of work on her vacation was actually ideal for her. At least, it was fun up until his third escape… even if they did get the nice cabin out of the deal. 

Once they had settled into the room, Amy had accepted the idea of having a chill week. Jake had just lost out on Doug Judy _again_ , this was no time to push her schedule on him - no matter how much she wanted to salsa dance (she had practiced! she could dance without stepping on feet now!).

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Jake asked as he walked into the room. “If the toilets drain into the ocean, does that mean a tiny shark could swim up and bite me in the butt?”

“No. Not at all.” She wasn’t sure what she had expected him to ask, but it definitely wasn’t that.

“Psh, lame,” he replied.

“Look, I know you’re bummed about the Pontiac Bandit, so if it’s any consolation, we can spend the rest of the cruise eating shrimp in bed,” she smiled at him, feeling good about her decision.

“That is incredibly sweet, but no way, we have too many activities to do!” he said, pulling out her itinerary. “You’ll never guess what starts in three minutes.”

“Salsa dancing!” she said as she jumped up in excitement.

“Oh, so you can guess,” he smirked.

She nodded as she ran to her bag to pull out a dress for dancing. 

When they got to the dance floor and her initial excitement level had gone down a bit, she thought once again about how much he had come to mean to her. She knew he would rather have eaten shrimp in bed all day, but instead he was dancing because it was what she wanted to do. They were in a real working relationship and it was, well, _working_. She reveled in showing off her new dance skills and just sharing the moment with Jake. For once, she didn’t overthink before speaking.

“Thank you for doing this. I love you.” She smiled at him

“Noice. Smort,” he replied with an awkward grin.

She was disappointed for a moment, but quickly pulled herself out of it. She was putting herself back into the dance when he stopped. Like so many times before, he looked at her like he was ready to say something.

“I love you, too,” he said, fear and hope on his face.

Nothing she had imagined had prepared her for the feeling of warmth and peace she got hearing him say those words. She touched his face as he leaned in to kiss her, and in that kiss she felt everything was finally _right_.

**Author's Note:**

> find me at amaliabalash.tumblr.com


End file.
